Respectfully, Get Out of Your Own Way
So, I’m driving alone in my car, when I see a young woman sitting in the middle of the road. As I get nearer, she does not move. She has her back to me. I slow my car to a halt and hop out to approach her.
Is that who I think it is? The woman turns around to me, and I see, the woman is me.
Of course, this didn’t really happen, it’s just a scene I imagine in my head, when I’m feeling stuck. You know, the times when I remind myself, that the only person that stops me from finding my purpose, stops me from living my full life, my courageous life is Me. For the purposes of this Blog, I’m going to call the young woman sitting in the middle of the road, ‘Little Me’.
Today, ‘Little Me’, wants to stay on the road, but at times, ‘Little Me’ doesn’t even know she’s on the road. ‘Little Me’, wants to shrink, as she wallows in self-doubt. She is scared she will ‘mess’ up in her job interview tomorrow. Last week, she plonked herself on me, blaming her past for why she can’t focus on her future. It made it hard for me to get out of bed. Last month she was overwhelmed with her life and remained in indecision. ‘Little Me’ prefers to stay in her cave. She won’t have to worry about rejection or what people will think. It’s cosy in the cave, but it’s also kind of dark.
Fortunately, ‘Little Me has a big sister, that every now and then, must get in her car and go looking for her. She knows that ‘Little Me’ likes to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and use her energy efficiently, which in human terms means, to do as little as possible. We will call big sis, ‘Big Me’. ‘Big Me’, knows that without ‘Little Me, I couldn’t live. ‘Little Me’ is responsible for my heart pumping and lungs breathing and all the other amazing things to keep me safe and alive. Yes, I, love ‘Little Me’.
But I also love ‘Big Me’. She has the power, the ‘mana’ to make the final decision. I think the conversation goes like this. Hey, ‘Little Me’, how about you hop in the car? ‘Little Me’, resists, so ‘Big Me’, responds,’ I know you’re nervous about your job interview tomorrow, but those are just butterflies you’re feeling. Everyone gets them. I got you. Let’s go!’
‘Little Me’ hops in the car, and both ‘Me’s continue their journey.
When I think of this scenario, I have an appreciation for the complexities and workings of my brain. ‘Little Me’ is my ‘primal brain’ and ‘Big Me’, is the pre-frontal cortex part of my brain where reason, logic and planning reside. Like any journey, there are detours and breakdowns, but I like the journey where all parts of Me, are open to opportunities and possibilities. Where ‘Big Me’, reasons with ‘Little Me’, that ‘with or without fear’, we need to get to courage. That’s the 50/50 of life. And even if I don’t nail this interview, that’s ok, I will figure out my next step, which is far better than sitting in the middle of the road.
Next time you’re feeling stuck, consider these following tips.
1. Little Me is motivated to seek pleasure and avoid pain; Let’s say you want to eat a cookie that isn’t on your diet plan. Your primal brain is telling you to, ‘eat it’. Your primal brain has loads of proof of the pleasure it has brought you in the past. So of course, it wants the cookie, but just remember your primal brain is more interested in being right than it is in you achieving your goal. It is only interested in the instant gratification and has no interest for your future-self. Practice being resolute at times like this, and lean into the thought, “What would my future self be saying to me, at this moment?”
2. Big Me has the final say, no matter if Little Me stomps her feet or complains. Little Me, cannot make you pick up the cookie and put it into your mouth, it needs Big Me to authorize it, and instruct the body to follow through. Little Me, does not run the show because Little Me is only as powerful as Big Me allows her to be. If you are setting goals, you will need Big Me in your corner.
3. Managing one’s brain, requires awareness, which is the first step towards conscious thinking. The effort to hop in the car, the commitment to turn up, the courage to get out of bed, the compassion to say, I am 50% together half of the time, and a ‘hot mess the other half, releases you of so much anxiety, overwhelm and indecision.
Have a fantastic week.
Gaylene Winter xox